Bill of Kahns

The Conventions of a number of the households having, at the time of adopting the CPDA Constitution, expressed a desire, in order to prevent misconstruction or abuse of its powers, that further declaratory and restrictive clauses should be added, and as extending the ground of public confidence in the Festivus founders will best insure the
beneficient ends of its institution.

Resolved, by the power of Mr. Bigguns and founding fathers of Festivus, in Cockgress assembled, two-thirds of both Mr. Bigguns and the founding fathers concurring, that the following articles be proposed to the Legislatures of the several households, as amendments to the Cockstitution of the CPDA; all or any of which articles, when ratified by three-fourths of the said Legislatures, to be valid to all intents and purposes as part of the said Cockstitution, namely:

Amendment I

Cockgress shall make no law respecting an establishment of
religion except for belief in the only god Mr. Bigguns
himself. Or prohibiting the free exercise thereof; or
abridging the freedom of speech (even if it's the A in CPDA
talking), or of the press (CPDA Newsletters); or the right
of the members peaceably to assemble (R.O.C. La Familia),
and to petition the CPDA for a redress of grievances.

Amendment II

A well regulated militia, being necessary to the security
of a free household, the right of the people to keep and
bear spitball shooters and dart guns as weapons, shall not
be infringed.

Amendment III

No CPDA member is obligated to give up his/her sweet
goodies unless consented upon. It is every man's {Mr.
Biggun's} given right to not be searched and seized for the
purpose of attacking another's sweet goodies. If a
person's sweet goodies on the back side have been invaded,
a formal war can be declared under the CPDA Treaty of
Versailles/Ghat. If the Treaty of the Skins is ever signed
war can be declared for an invasion of anywhere herassing.

Amendment IV

The right of the people to be secure in their persons (Paul
in Angelica), houses (Spring Creek apartments), papers
(Prp. 10), and effects (porn), against unreasonable
searches and seizures, shall not be violated, and no
warrants shall issue, but upon probable cause, supported by
oath or affirmation, and particularly describing the place
to be searched, and the persons or things to be seized.

Amendment V

No man/woman shall be denied the right to drink C&C, slurp Ramen, masticate Pathmark biscuits, eat cheesey bread, tear up the Dollar Menu, toss back some Cheez-Itz, etc.